The 30-Second Key To Better Behavior

Stick with me for four quick questions, and I promise you’ll want to keep watching this video:

1. What are your core family values?

2. Does your child know your core family values?

3. How can your child’s behavior align with your values if they don’t know them?

4. And finally, how can you communicate these values to your child in a way that really sticks?

If those questions have you thinking, then you’re ready to learn about one of my favorite parenting strategies: the Family Mantra.

A family mantra is like a guiding light—a short, repetitive phrase or set of principles that reflect your core values and help shape your child’s behavior. It’s grounded in positive discipline and behavioral psychology, specifically the concept of behavioral rehearsal, which uses repetition to reinforce learning.

Here are a few examples of family mantras that work wonders:

• Grace and Courtesy: Inspired by Montessori principles.

• Listen and Be Kind: Simple but powerful.

• The Emmerson 5: This is the mantra we use in my family:

  Happy, Kind, Respectful, Helpful, Gentle

  • Happy: Trying to be happy yourself and helping others feel happy.

  • Kind: Treating others kindly, even if they aren’t being kind to you.

  • Respectful: Saying “please” and “thank you,” and respecting others’ words and boundaries.

  • Helpful: Being part of the family team and helping when needed.

  • Gentle: This one’s obvious when you have little ones who need reminders about their touch!

Whenever one of my kids’ behavior drifts off track, I simply say, “(Insert child’s name), Emmerson 5?” And they respond by reciting the mantra: “Happy, Kind, Respectful, Helpful, Gentle.”

Here’s why I love the Family Mantra strategy:

1. Behavioral Reset: It’s a stop signal that interrupts unwanted behavior and gives your child a chance to self-regulate.

2. Positive Framing: Instead of “Don’t hit your sister,” you can say, “Please be kind to your sister.”

3. Public-Friendly: In public situations, it’s a discreet way to redirect your child without embarrassment.

The best mantra is one that resonates with your family. Here’s how to create yours:

• Choose 3-5 values that matter most to your family.

• Keep it simple and age-appropriate.

• Practice it together as a family until it becomes second nature.

I’ve created a step-by-step handout to help you develop your family mantra. You can download it at drlindsayemmerson.com/mantra

Using a mantra helps parents, too! You’ll feel good about framing corrections positively, rather than constantly saying “no” or “stop.”

So, Amazing Parents, if you’re ready to bring more positivity and intention into your parenting, give the Family Mantra a try. It takes time and repetition, but trust me, it’s worth it.

And don’t forget: Keep up the good work on your amazing parenting journey!