I never thought I would homeschool.

I have four kids. One of them has ADHD. And after surviving COVID school-from-home — when my kids were in sixth, fourth, second grade, and kindergarten — the last thing on my personal wish list was to be responsible for anyone’s education ever again.

And yet… here we are.

And I have to tell you: it’s been one of the best parenting decisions I’ve ever made.

This wasn’t impulsive. It wasn’t ideological. It wasn’t reactive. It unfolded over several years, with research, conversations, hard questions — and one very specific moment that finally tipped the scale.

I’m sharing this because if you have a child who is struggling in school — whether because of ADHD or anything else — you deserve a roadmap for thinking through your options.

Today I’m walking you through the exact framework I used: the S.O.L.V.E. method, a structured problem-solving process rooted in cognitive-behavioral research (D’Zurilla & Goldfried, 1971). It’s something I teach in my practice, and it works for school decisions, chore battles, social struggles — all of it.

Let’s start at the beginning.

S — State the Problem

This sounds obvious. It isn’t.

Most of us feel discomfort long before we clearly name it.

For years, we had hints that school was harder for one of my kids. He’s bright. Capable. Curious. But attention and hyperactivity make traditional classrooms genuinely difficult. Not impossible — but difficult in a way that adds constant friction.

We saw warning signs at the end of first grade.
COVID happened in second grade.
Third grade was wonderful.
Fourth grade was… okay.

But fourth grade was also the year he started saying, regularly and out loud:

“I don’t like school.”
“I’m unhappy.”

That’s when I stopped and named it clearly:

My child is unhappy at school.

Not: “He needs to try harder.”
Not: “Middle school is just tough.”
Not: “All kids complain.”

The problem was unhappiness.

Once I stated it clearly, I could actually start solving it.

O — Options

Once you name the problem, you brainstorm options — without judging them yet.

For us, the list included:

• Pursue formal accommodations (504 plan)

• Explore an IEP

• Seek mental health support

• Transfer to another public school

• Consider a private school

• Consider homeschooling

We began with a 504 plan.

If you’re unfamiliar: a 504 plan provides legally protected accommodations in public schools — extended time, preferential seating, movement breaks, adjusted workload. It changes the environment, not the curriculum.

An IEP (Individualized Education Program) goes further, including specialized instruction and curriculum modifications.

Both are valuable tools. Which one fits depends on your child’s needs.

Fifth grade went well. We felt hopeful.

Then sixth grade brought a teacher who was openly unsupportive of both my son and his accommodations. Seventh grade — junior high — added six teachers, faster pacing, and increased expectations for independence (Langberg et al., 2008).

The friction increased.

He began asking about homeschool.

And that’s when the real analysis began.

L — List the Pros and Cons

This is where emotion slows down, and strategy begins.

Junior high introduced:

• Six separate teacher systems

• Faster pacing

• Less scaffolding

• More independent executive functioning

Even helping him decode Canvas assignments felt confusing.

My biggest concern wasn’t academics. It was this:

A child with ADHD struggles with task initiation and follow-through. Would self-directed homeschool make that worse?

That felt legitimate.

So I asked him directly:

“How do I know this won’t be torture for me?”

His answer surprised me:

“Mom, I hate homework after school because I’ve been cooped up all day and I just want to be free. But if I don’t have to go to school, and I can finish everything in a couple hours, I’ll do it.”

Then came the tipping moment.

A friend told me her child’s seventh grade was “much better” — now that she was on ADHD medication and anxiety medication.

I want to be clear: I am not opposed to medication when medically indicated.

But I asked myself honestly:

Am I forcing a square peg into a round hole?
Am I asking my child to endure daily distress for the sake of conformity?

That question changed everything.

V — Very Best Solution

After weighing everything, we decided to try homeschooling.

I researched extensively.

In our area, there are homeschool charter partnerships that:

• Provide oversight and support

• Allow curriculum flexibility

• Require minimal in-person attendance

There are also structured online platforms that:

• Handle transcripts and compliance

• Provide daily plans

• Offer curriculum customization

We chose a program that allowed flexibility while offering structure.

Three features made it viable for us:

1. Clear, customizable daily plans

2. A two-hour school day — matching what my son said he could commit to

3. An AI tutor check-in system that provides feedback on engagement and comprehension

For a parent of a child whose engagement was invisible across town, that visibility mattered.

Not every family can choose homeschool. I recognize that fully. I work from home — that made it possible.

The point isn’t homeschool.

The point is intentional decision-making.

E — Evaluate

This is the step most people skip.

You don’t make the decision and declare it permanent. You evaluate.

So how has it gone?

Better than I expected.

Not perfect.

There are low-motivation days.

But the baseline is different.

He’s calmer.
He’s not white-knuckling eight hours in an environment that doesn’t fit him.
He finishes his work.
He has afternoons free.
Our relationship at school is better.

And we continue to reassess.

If this stops working, we return to O — Options — and adjust.

That’s not failure.

That’s the process functioning correctly.

The Bigger Gift of S.O.L.V.E.

This method isn’t just for parents.

Teach it to your kids.

Next time they bring you:

• A friendship conflict

• A school dilemma

• A social struggle

Walk them through it:

State the problem.
Name your options.
List the pros and cons.
Choose the very best solution.
Evaluate how it went.

You’re not just solving one issue.

You’re building lifelong thinking skills.

What This Experience Taught Me

Being a good parent does not mean having the answer in advance.

It means:

• Naming the problem clearly

• Staying curious

• Gathering information

• Making the most thoughtful decision possible

• Remaining open to adjustment

You don’t need certainty.

You need intentionality.

If your child is struggling in school, socially, or emotionally, you likely have more options than you think.

And you have everything you need to begin thinking through them clearly.

A Gentle Next Step

If you’re wondering whether your child may have ADHD, I encourage you to schedule an appointment with a qualified healthcare professional for a proper evaluation.

In the meantime, I’ve created a video on 10 Subtle Signs of ADHD Most Parents Miss that may help you begin observing patterns with more clarity.

You don’t have to have this figured out.

You just have to be willing to engage with it — one thoughtful step at a time.

And that is already amazing parenting.