#1 Parenting Triage Plan: 4 Steps to Resolve Any Stressful Parenting Situation
Whether your toddler hit another child, your grade-schooler got in trouble at school, or your teen broke curfew, one thing is certain parenting under pressure is tough.
I'm Dr. Lindsay Emmerson, psychologist and mom of four, and in this post, I’m sharing the exact 4-step triage plan I teach in my coaching program to help parents handle any high-intensity parenting situation with confidence and clarity.
Step 1: Choose to Respond, Not React
It’s easy to lose your cool in the moment but strong emotional reactions can actually backfire. Yelling or punishing on impulse might feel justified, but it can hurt the parent-child relationship and make your child less likely to come to you in the future.
Instead, take a deep breath. That simple pause gives you time to shift into intentional parenting choosing a thoughtful response aligned with your values. You're not excusing the behavior. You’re modeling emotional regulation and showing your child that even hard moments can be handled with calm and grace.
Step 2: Communicate Unconditional Positive Regard
Discipline doesn’t mean disapproval of your child as a person.
You can set firm boundaries while still expressing support. Try phrases like:
“I see you’re upset, but it’s not okay to hit.”
“I know it was hard to leave, but we agreed you’d be home by 10.”
This approach tells your child: "I care about you, and I believe you can do better." It teaches that feelings are okay, but not all behaviors are, and builds trust through calm, clear, and caring communication.
Step 3: Teach Through Practice and Problem-Solving
This is where the real parenting work begins.
Teaching better behavior means more than punishment. It means:
Social skills training: Practice empathy, perspective-taking, apologies, and better alternatives.
Behavioral rehearsal: Help your child role-play responses to similar situations.
Problem-solving: Try my S.O.L.V.E. framework, state the problem, brainstorm options, list pros/cons, choose a solution, and evaluate.
Coping skills: Teach strategies like muscle relaxation, visualization, or mantras to manage emotions.
Consequences: Set boundaries that teach, not shame. Natural consequences are best. Always aim for structure and support.
Step 4: Monitor and Reinforce Progress
After the moment passes, keep the connection going. In the days and weeks to follow, check in, show you're still paying attention, and most importantly, reinforce improvements.
A few simple examples:
“Great job coming home before curfew tonight.”
“I noticed how calmly you handled that, I'm proud of you.”
Ongoing attention and encouragement help your child internalize the lesson and build new habits.
This 4-step parenting triage plan gives you the tools to navigate stress with confidence while protecting your relationship with your child. With this approach, you can set healthy boundaries, teach lifelong skills, and create a calm, connected home.
Want to dive deeper into gentle, effective discipline? Stay tuned to my next blog where I walk you through how to use consequences without falling into the “empty threat” trap.
