Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids
Have you heard the buzzword “emotional intelligence” lately and wondered what it actually means—and how you can teach it to your kids?
Emotional intelligence is critical for helping children grow into healthy, successful adults. And as a psychologist and mom of four, I can tell you firsthand: it’s one of the top priorities in my parenting practice.
In this post, I’ll walk you through what emotional intelligence is and how to teach it to your children in practical, everyday ways. So if your goal is to help your child trade tantrums and tears for handling life’s ups and downs with confidence—and communicating their feelings more effectively—you’re in the right place.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Before we dive into how to teach emotional intelligence, let’s take a moment to define what it actually is.
Emotional intelligence (EI)—also known as emotional quotient (EQ)—is the ability to:
Perceive emotions
Understand emotions
Use emotions
Regulate emotions
Interact effectively with others
Think of it as a set of emotional and social skills that help children better understand themselves and the people around them.
This is different from IQ (intelligence quotient), which measures things like:
Verbal comprehension
Perceptual reasoning
Working memory
Processing speed
Why it matters:
EQ is just as important as IQ. You need both to thrive—not only academically but socially and emotionally as well.
How Do You Teach Emotional Intelligence to Kids?
Emotional intelligence is a big, important concept—but it becomes much more manageable when you break it down into teachable moments.
Here are six key steps to teaching emotional intelligence to children:
1. Empathy
Help your child understand the emotions of others.
📖 Try this:
While reading a book together, pause and ask:
“How do you think this character feels?”
“How can you tell?”
“Have you ever felt that way?”
This helps kids learn to recognize emotions in others and develop compassion.
2. Problem-Solving
Encourage your child to think critically and find creative solutions.
🧠 Try this:
If a toy breaks, resist jumping in to fix it. Instead, ask:
“What are some ways we could solve this problem together?”
Brainstorming builds both problem-solving skills and resilience.
3. Communication
Support your child in expressing their thoughts and emotions clearly.
💬 Try this:
Have a “feelings check-in” during dinner where everyone shares one emotion they felt that day—and why.
You can also build communication skills through play, offering daily choices, and even holding short family meetings.
4. Conflict Resolution
Teach your child how to navigate disagreements respectfully.
👫 Try this:
If siblings are fighting, guide them to take turns expressing their feelings and listening to each other.
Then help them find a fair solution, like taking turns or setting a timer.
Conflict is inevitable—helping them resolve it well is a life skill.
5. Self-Awareness
Help your child recognize and name their emotions.
🧠 Try this:
Use an emotions chart with facial expressions and ask:
“Can you point to how you’re feeling right now?”
Naming emotions like “frustrated,” “excited,” or “nervous” builds the foundation for emotional regulation.
6. Self-Regulation
Teach your child how to manage their emotions and express them appropriately.
🌊 Try this:
“That was really upsetting, but I can choose to take a deep breath and stay calm while I wait for the moment to pass.”
Helping your child find calming strategies empowers them to regulate emotions rather than act on them impulsively.
The Takeaway: Emotional Intelligence Takes Time—But It’s Worth It
I could do an entire episode on each of these six components (and maybe I will!), but for now, the most important takeaway is this:
Teaching emotional intelligence doesn’t happen overnight.
But when you chip away at it day by day—empathy here, a problem-solving talk there—it adds up.
Your child will start to understand and handle their emotions in more positive ways, and you’ll see that reflected in calmer days, better communication, and deeper connections.
What's Next? Teach Your Child Coping Skills
One key way parents can support emotional intelligence—especially that sixth step, self-regulation—is by teaching in-the-moment coping skills that help kids ride the wave of their emotions when they feel overwhelmed.
