Empty Threats Destroy Respect: Parent Differently

You’re in that tense moment when your child has just pushed a boundary. You’ve stated a consequence, and now you’re at a crossroads.
Do you backpedal and let them off the hook?
Do you stand firm and follow through?
Or do you just move on like nothing happened?

The path you choose here can completely transform your parent-child dynamic.

Today, we’re diving into one of the most common — and most damaging — mistakes parents make when it comes to using consequences. And more importantly, I’ll show you how to avoid it.

Why Consequences Matter More Than You Think

You’ve likely heard how essential it is to set and uphold reasonable boundaries with your child. It’s a core part of effective parenting and crucial for helping kids become emotionally healthy, well-adjusted adults.

But here’s the catch: a lot of parents feel uncomfortable using consequences. And yet, that’s exactly what boundaries are — they’re cause-and-effect statements like:

“If you do this, then that will happen.”

When done right, consequences aren't harsh — they’re healthy, respectful teaching tools. And when used intentionally, they feel like what I call amazing parenting.

A Real-Life Lesson in Empty Threats

Before I had my first child, I witnessed a moment that perfectly illustrated why following through on consequences is so critical.

I was playing tennis with my husband one evening near the college where I taught psychology. A mother and her son were playing on the next court. I couldn’t see them well because of the mesh screen between the courts, but I could hear every word.

The son was cursing nonstop. After a while, the mom said:

“If you keep talking like that, we’re going to have to go home.”

Fair enough, right?

But minutes later, he cursed again. And instead of leaving, she repeated herself:

“Hey, you need to stop saying that if you want to keep playing.”

And again… nothing changed. They kept playing. He kept swearing.

In the end, we left before they did.

What did the boy learn from that moment? Not that his mom was understanding. Not that she forgot.
He learned one very clear lesson: Her threats are empty. Her words carry no weight.

You can bet this wasn’t an isolated incident. You can bet this happened before — and would happen again. And you can bet it didn’t feel good for that mom.

Kids are fast learners. If you don’t follow through, they quickly learn they don’t have to listen — because nothing happens when they don’t.

Whether it’s clean your room before screen time or be home by 9 PM, this pattern teaches them that boundaries are flexible… or worse, meaningless.

Why Do Parents Struggle to Follow Through?

If following through is so important, why do so many parents struggle with it?

Usually, it’s not about laziness or lack of care — it’s a mix of two things:

1. Not realizing what lesson you’re really teaching

2. Not wanting to upset your child

Let’s be honest: enforcing a consequence can feel hard. It’s uncomfortable. And we love our kids — we don’t want to see them sad or frustrated.

But here’s the thing: that short-term discomfort your child feels?
It’s actually really healthy.

It teaches them that actions have consequences. And it helps build emotional intelligence through distress tolerance — the ability to manage uncomfortable emotions and bounce back from setbacks.

Consistency Doesn’t Mean Rigidity

Does this mean you need to be a strict, inflexible parent who enforces rules like a robot? Absolutely not.

In fact, if you saw my last video, you’ll know I always recommend taking two steps before stating a consequence:

1. Pause and take a calming breath.
   This helps you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally.

2. Ask yourself two questions:

   • Is my request reasonable?

   • Is it worth the struggle?

Only after doing that should you decide whether a consequence is appropriate.

Final Thought: Commit to Your Words

If you’ve taken a pause, checked in with your intention, and decided that a consequence is needed — then follow through.

That’s how you build trust, respect, and consistency in your parenting. And that’s how you avoid becoming the parent on the tennis court whose child has learned not to take them seriously.

Failing to follow through is just one of six common mistakes parents make when using consequences.
In my next post, I’ll break down the other five so you can be sure your parenting strategy is setting your child up for success.