What Jonathan Haidt Isn't Telling You | The Anxious Generation
Did you know that teen anxiety has doubled in the last decade? Depression and suicide rates are also skyrocketing. And the culprit? It's sitting in plain sight—or right in your child’s pocket.
Jonathan Haidt’s groundbreaking book, The Anxious Generation, exposes how smartphones and social media are harming our children’s mental health. But here’s the problem—he’s missing some crucial action steps that you can take right now, even if other parents in your community don’t.
What You’ll Learn Today
In this post, I’ll break down:
Haidt’s key findings on why kids today are struggling more than ever
His four major recommendations for community-wide action
Two powerful parenting strategies that Haidt doesn’t fully explore but can help your child immediately
Why Are Kids More Anxious Than Ever?
The Parenting Paradox
Haidt’s core argument is simple:
We overprotect children in the real world but underprotect them online.
Think about it—many parents hesitate to let their kids walk to school alone or play outside unsupervised. Yet, they give their children unrestricted access to the entire internet through smartphones. This contradiction is setting them up for failure.
The Rise of Anxiety & Depression
Haidt’s research shows that depression, anxiety, and self-harm skyrocketed after 2010—the same time smartphones became widespread. The trend is the same in the US, UK, Canada, and Australia.
But it wasn’t just smartphones that created this crisis.
The Shift in Parenting Styles
Since the 1980s, parenting gradually became more controlling:
Kids lost free play and independence.
Parents overscheduled them with structured activities.
The introduction of cell phones made kids even more dependent on constant communication.
The result?
Kids never developed essential life skills like negotiation, risk assessment, and emotional regulation.
They became more vulnerable to social media’s addictive and harmful effects.
They lack what Haidt calls “antifragility”—gaining strength through challenges.
When social media entered their lives, they were unprepared. And the impact was worse for girls, leading to a steep rise in mental health issues.
Haidt makes it clear—we need to flip the script by allowing more real-world freedom and tightening online boundaries.
Haidt’s 4 Major Recommendations
1. No Smartphones Until 9th Grade
Why it works:
Removes peer pressure—when multiple families commit, kids can’t say, “Everyone has one!”
Helps children develop real-world social skills before handling a smartphone.
A great alternative is using basic phones that allow calls and texts but no internet access.
2. No Social Media Until Age 16
Why it works:
Allows the prefrontal cortex to develop, improving impulse control.
Reduces exposure to toxic online culture and cyberbullying.
3. Phone-Free Schools
Why it works:
Just having a phone nearby reduces focus—even if it’s off.
Creates an environment for better learning and social interaction.
If you’re worried about emergencies, schools handled this just fine before smartphones existed—parents can always call the front office.
4. More Free Play & Independence
Why it works:
Builds confidence, problem-solving skills, and resilience.
Encourages real-world friendships.
Some outdated laws punish parents for letting kids be independent. Haidt argues we should advocate for legal changes that support free-range parenting.
What Haidt Doesn’t Tell You
1. Smartphones Don't Need 24/7 Access
In my family, when my kids first got phones:
Devices stayed in a visible charging station in the kitchen.
They never took phones into their bedrooms.
Why it works:
Prevents mindless scrolling and overuse.
Encourages face-to-face interactions.
Remember: You bought the phone. You pay the bill. You set the rules.
2. Social Media: The Stepping-Stone Approach
Instead of full access, gradually introduce social media:
Let them browse approved content without an account.
Create an account but only follow specific pages.
Allow likes but no comments.
Teach them how to comment appropriately.
Eventually, let them post—but with parental guidance.
Why it works:
Builds digital literacy in stages.
Gives their brain time to mature.
Encourages open conversations about online risks.
Final Thoughts: A Balanced Approach Wins
Many parents fear that without a smartphone, their child will be isolated. But research shows the opposite—social media actually increases loneliness.
The key isn’t banning technology—it’s using it intentionally.
What’s your biggest challenge with managing technology in your home? Share in the comments!
If this helped you, don’t forget to share with other parents!
