How to Stop Your Kids From Fighting

Sibling bickering is one of the most frustrating challenges for parents. You’re trying to keep the peace, but nothing you say seems to work. Your patience wears thin, and before you know it, you’re reacting instead of responding.

The good news? There are practical parenting strategies that can help you navigate sibling conflicts with intention and confidence.

As a clinical psychologist and mom of four, I’ve developed the 5 C’s Parenting Framework—a simple, effective approach to handling sibling bickering while fostering lifelong social skills in your kids.

Let’s dive in.

1. Communication: Set Clear Expectations

The Common Mistake Parents Make

Many parents use vague commands like:
❌ “Cut it out, you guys.”
❌ “Can’t you just be nice to each other?”

But children need clear and direct guidance to understand what’s expected.

How to Communicate More Effectively

✅ Use Specific Instructions
Instead of vague commands, say:
✔ “Use your calm voice.”
✔ “Use kind words.”

✅ Create a Family Mantra
A simple, repeatable phrase that reinforces positive behavior and sets clear expectations.
(Download my free Family Mantra Guide below!)

✅ Focus on What TO Do
Rather than saying “Don’t,” “No,” or “Stop,” use positive language:
✔ “Be kind.”
✔ “Use respectful words.”
✔ “Use gentle touch.”

✅ Try Nonverbal Cues
Hand signals can reinforce positive communication:

• Hand moving downward = softer voice

• Hand over heart = kind words

Why It Works: Small changes in how you communicate can make a big difference in reducing sibling conflicts.

2. Consistency: Set Your Child Up for Success

Did you know that some of the biggest triggers for sibling arguments are biological needs?

These are what I call the 5 Nemeses of Good Behavior:

🔥 Hunger
💧 Thirst
😴 Fatigue
🌡 Overheating
🏡 Being cooped up inside

How to Proactively Prevent Bickering

✅ Offer Protein-Packed Meals & Snacks
Avoid “hangry” moments by keeping blood sugar stable.

✅ Ensure Kids Stay Hydrated
Always have water available, especially during outings.

✅ Prioritize Sleep
A well-rested child is a better-behaved child.

✅ Monitor Temperature & Comfort
Dress appropriately for the weather and avoid excessive heat.

✅ Balance Activity & Downtime
Kids need regular outdoor play but shouldn’t be over-scheduled.

Why It Works: Addressing these basic needs can drastically reduce sibling squabbles before they even start.

3. Choices & Checkpoints: Understanding Child Development

Why This Step is Important

Sibling bickering is actually normal and necessary for development. It teaches kids:

• Assertiveness

• Conflict resolution

• Emotional intelligence

Key Mindset Shifts for Parents

✅ Recognize That Sibling Conflict is a Learning Process
Kids are still developing the skills needed for healthy communication.

✅ Understand Emotional Intelligence Takes Time
Awareness, control, and expression of emotions don’t happen overnight.

✅ Be Patient with Their Growth
Knowing what’s developmentally appropriate helps you respond calmly instead of reacting emotionally.

Why It Works: When you understand your child’s developmental stage, it’s easier to approach conflicts with patience and intention.

4. Consequences: Teaching Through Actions

The Key to Effective Discipline

Every reaction you have to sibling bickering teaches your child something. The question is—what are they learning?

When to Step In vs. Let Them Work It Out

✔ Step in if it’s escalating
✔ Step in if physical aggression is likely

Otherwise, let them work through their disagreement.

Two Effective Ways to Use Consequences

✅ Social Skills Training

• Sit down with your kids and review:

  • How did we get here?

  • How do you both feel?

  • What could have been done differently?

  • How can we prevent this next time?

✅ If-Then Choices

• “If you stop bickering, you can keep playing. If not, you’ll play separately.”

Why It Works: These strategies help kids learn from conflicts while reinforcing clear boundaries.

5. Check Yourself: Managing Your Own Emotions

Why Your Mindset Matters

Your emotional state influences how you handle sibling conflicts. If you’re overwhelmed, it’s harder to stay calm and intentional.

Top 3 Coping Skills for Parents

✅ 1. Perspective Shift (Cognitive Reframe)
Instead of “This is so irritating,” think:
✔ “It’s tough to be around someone all day, especially a sibling competing for attention.”

✅ 2. Deep Breathing (Physiological Calm)
A slow, controlled breath signals your nervous system to relax. Bonus: Kids learn that an audible deep breath means they should cool down too.

✅ 3. Distraction (Behavioral Shift)
Engage in a neutral activity (washing dishes, prepping dinner) while keeping an ear open.

Why It Works: These strategies help you stay patient and respond with intention instead of reacting emotionally.

Next time your kids start bickering, try one of these 5 C’s strategies and notice the difference.

🎁 FREE RESOURCE: Download my Family Mantra Guide → drlindsayemmerson.com/mantra

Keep up the good work on your amazing parenting journey!